ERTARDS

Crazy Stories In the Emergency Room

Accidents

Complete Idiots

Drunks

Welcome to ERTARDS

ERTards.com gives users a venue to vent their frustrations when dealing with patients or staff in emergency rooms around the world. There are a great deal of stupid people out there that have no idea what the word ’emergency’ means. Their antics are often times amusing as are the assumptions by some staff members. The site is meant to be fun to read and can be enjoyed on a daily basis. Life in the ER is very different from the melodrama shown on TV (we’re talking about ER, it’s pretty close to Scrubs, though).

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Complete Idiots

Latest Stories

Inconsiderate TARD

When I was little(12 yo), I was in the ER after being sent from my pediatricians for an asthma attack that wasn’t responding to medication. As I’m in the room with serious SOB, there’s a woman with a ‘headache on the left side’ demanding treatment ahead of everyone else because she had a meeting to get to. I am so ...

Plain…Whatever!

Asked a patient what pill killers she was using for her flank pain. Then the doctor started listing some “Tylenol, aleve, ibuprofen…..” Patient states “oh no. No ibuprofen, I’m allergic. I used Motrin.”……

Unable to Urinate? Here’s the Solution

Male patient comes to the ER complaining that he hasn’t been able to make much urine. Patient also complains that he is having severe abdominal and pelvic pressure. Upon assessing the patient he looks to be very distended. The patient begins to tell a nurse and myself how it got so bad last night that he went to the garage ...

You’re Lucky Enough to be Alive

A 21 year old kid had just been brought in from a high speed drunk driving accident. Him and his buddies hadn’t been wearing seat belts and on impact my patient was ejected, flew 30 feet and landed on his left side. He had a couple broken bones, but his head was intact, he could walk and would only need ...

Yup, You’re Preggers

Young woman comes in to ER saying she hasn't had her period for 5 months. She denies being sexually active, but the urine test says otherwise. Shockingly it turns out she was preggers.

Treated for Shock

A lady called 9-1-1 for hiccups. After all, she'd had them for half an hour! Oh, and she was pale & cool and so she wanted to be 'treated for shock' while we were there. No, she did not get transported...

Itchy Bumps

Male patient comes in to the ER, states, "I think I'm having an allergic reaction to this stuff. I had itchy bumps on my legs so I put it on." The patient put capsaicin creme (made with the same stuff that makes chili peppers hot) on the "itchy bumps". The "itchy bumps" were scabies.

Deja Vu in the Shower

We once had a woman call 911 because she "had deja vu in the shower and got really nervous". That's an emergency?

Burning Pain in the Neck

Girl came in complaining of burning pain to her neck and shoulders. Turns out she used Icy-Hot rub and didn't expect the sensation she got.

ER Tards

Latest Stories

Inconsiderate TARD

Still Naughty at Sixty

I work at an Emergency Center, and we had a 60 year old woman come in with a cucumber stuck up her hooha.

What Happens In Louisiana…

At a rural Louisiana ED, man brings himself and 3 children in after they "bumped another car in the parking lot at WalMart." Everyone's clearly ambulatory and in no distress. Man insists they be seen immediately as I try to prevent the three kids from dismantling everything in the triage room. He says the kids are "suffering."

Waiting For Her Ride

After being discharged, she was told the ambulance would not be taking her home. A few hours later she was still waiting in the lobby waiting for her ride.

Glass of Water

When I was a resident in ED, a patient yelled at me that he was leaving because he had waited hours to see a doctor. This was at 2am. The triage nurse later told me that he had presented with hiccups and was given a glass of water on arrival which stopped the hiccups.

Seen First

Patient had the gall to say, "I'm allergic to other people so I need to be seen first."

Might Be A Hernia

Patient in to ER with stomach pain and said to triage nurse, "I had lunch and then drove back to work on a bumpy road. My stomach hurts...do you think it might be a hernia?"

Oxygen and Friends

Especially when they are prescribed 5 liters of oxygen while at home, weigh 400 pounds, and don't have oxygen on when they arrive. Then while in an ER bed they tell you they are here to visit their "friends" because they are lonesome and ask for 4 boxed lunches.

Balls Are Too High

The child's family were worried because "his balls are too high, so we keep trying to pull them down and he screams, so there must be something wrong."

Welcome to ERTARDS

This is a place for you to write about your ER experiences. There are no taboo subjects, so feel free to vent as we know there are a lot of goobers out there. Remember, there are plenty of medical professionals that are total tards, too. So this is open to patients as well as staff members.

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ER Staff

Latest Stories

Not an Emergency

I have a chronic illness and end up in the ER often for acute exacerbation of tachycardia and dehydration. Anyways, I was sitting in the ER and heard a girl in the hall saying she had chest pain and was breathing loudly.

Vowel Replaced

EMS write-up of pt history: "Pt had a vowel replaced in his heart." Now which vowel was it, "A" or "E"?

Foot Fungus

I was sitting at the RN station one morning when the triage nurse walked by with a disgusted look on his face. When I asked him what was wrong he said, "Who comes to the ER at 2:00 in the morning with a foot fungus they've had for 2 years?"

Altered Mental Status

Wondering why you'd give them in the first place if she was allergic to them, I requested she describe allergy. "Well I gave her 2mg of Haldol and 2mg of Morphine @1230 and she developed an altered mental status!"

Urine Specimen

A doctor once gave a student a urine specimen to test. The student dipped it showed it had a very large glucose level. The doctor smiled, took the specimen, and drank the contents.

Will I Be Able to Play?

Male patient presents with a complaint of injury after cutting his hand with a meat slicer. After seeing the physician, patient asks, "Doc, will I be able to play the piano?"

Scrotal Cellulitus

Did a transfer from hospital back to SNF when my partner and I had a student riding with us. We saw the dispatch on our MDT that said "scrotal cellulitus" and the look on our student was priceless when she helped the pt to the cot. Laughed my ass off...

Rolling in Mud

Last night we picked up a frequent flier who is a hypochondriac and is constantly convinced she has any aliment that the media talks about.

Working on an Empty Stomach

A friend of mine was on her first day of ER orientation as a tech. She failed to eat breakfast or drink anything during her shift.

Funny

Latest Stories

Ajax on Pancakes

Actual text from triage assessment: “Pt states she accidentally poured Ajax dish detergent on her pancakes instead of syrup. Pt states she rinsed her mouth out several times but still wants to be checked.”

What Happens When You Drink For 7 Days

Patient arrives to ER by ambulance; combative, urinates pants and states “I’ve been drinking for 7 days.”

Unable to Urinate? Here’s the Solution

Still Naughty at Sixty

I work at an Emergency Center, and we had a 60 year old woman come in with a cucumber stuck up her hooha.

A Doctorate in Massage Therapy

25 y/o female arrives to ER c/o “deep cough.” She is about 5’3″ 110lbs. Pt corrects triage nurse by telling her, sharply, “NO, I have a DEEP THROMBOSIS.” Pt reassures triage nurse that she “knows what she’s talking about” because she has a doctorate… in massage therapy. Nurse informs patient that you cannot cough up an embolism.

I Can’t Hold Pressure

Ran a call on the truck not too long ago, 30 minutes to get to the call. Call was for “lacerations with profuse bleeding”. On scene, we find a woman who had been drinking, heavily, and was reaching for a clock that happened to be broken. She had cut her ring and pinky fingers on the broken clock, a lac ...

How About We Wash You with Soup?

Nurse is cleaning a Hispanic woman after she gave birth. She is trying to explain in Spanish that she is going to wash her with soap and then dry her off, but she doesn’t know the word for soap, so she substitutes it with “sopa” which means soup in Spanish. So basically, “We are going to wash you with the ...

The Case of a Broken Penis

We had an episode where a guy came in with a broken penis. He has apparently been having a good ol time with his girlfriend and missed going back in and had been going kinda fast and broken the cartilage in his penis. When he left, he had a cast on his penis. His girlfriend didn’t even drive him to ...

Massive Quantities of Calories

Seen in a consult note for a morbidly obese gentleman with heart failure: “…apparently while his wife was working, Mr. X had been sitting at home consuming massive quantities of calories and not exercising…”

That Was Random

Latest Stories