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23 y/o female co abd pain, talking on cell phone in triage. Me: when was your last bm? Pt: today. Me:what color was it? Pt: Normal I guess, brown. Me: Did it float or sink? Pt: I'll have to call you back. Guess it wasn't a real close friend on the phone.

#1250 (0) Funny - Get back to the waiting room (40) - I dunno, seems legit. (2)

Pt brought to ER by EMS because she dreamed she swallowed a light bulb and wanted an XRAY just to be sure she didn't swallow one.

#1248 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (51) - I dunno, seems legit. (9)

I work for a public ALS EMS district that does 911 calls and emergent transfers. Upon picking a patient up off the hospital floor for a transfer, I had a registered nurse tell me she hadn't given the patient any pain meds in several hours because the patient was allergic to them. Wondering why you'd give them in the first place if she was allergic to them, I requested she describe allergy. "Well I gave her 2mg of Haldol and 2mg of Morphine @1230 and she developed an altered mental status!"

#1247 (0) ER_Staff - Get back to the waiting room (57) - I dunno, seems legit. (5)

Man tried to make a impression of his foot by placing it in a bucket of cement so he could create contemporary art. We had to get maintence to help break up the cement block. Poor little Warhol wannabe.

#1244 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (44) - I dunno, seems legit. (3)

Little old lady came to the ER via EMS with complaints that her family was "playing the music too loud". Shit doesn't even make sense. Why didn't she call the police?

#1243 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (41) - I dunno, seems legit. (4)

Male comes into ER with a foreign body in his rectum. OR surgically removed three lemons! When asked what happened, stated GF was pissed because he came home drunk, waited for him to pass out and shoved the lemons as punishment.

#1242 (0) That_Was_Random - Get back to the waiting room (45) - I dunno, seems legit. (2)

40 y/o female arrived to ER as trauma patient with "Vaginal injury". Turns out, she was standing with one foot on a chair and one foot on her bed and masturbating using her bedpost as her toy. Chair broke and she went down on bedpost. Much vaginal tearing. Did I mention she weighed a good 250?

#1241 (0) Sex - Get back to the waiting room (51) - I dunno, seems legit. (4)

A trauma patient drunk off his ass comes in and as we cut off his cloths to check for other injuries his makes it a point to warn everyone that he has a small penis.

#1240 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (62) - I dunno, seems legit. (7)

16 year old comes in looking in no way under distress. RN: "What brings you in today?" PT: "Well, I was leaning over and I sneezed and it kinda hurt my back". RN: "Does it still hurt?". PT: "No." RN:*facepalm*

#1239 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (61) - I dunno, seems legit. (5)

I was sitting at the RN station one morning when the triage nurse walked by with a disgusted look on his face. When I asked him what was wrong he said, "Who comes to the ER at 2:00 in the morning with a foot fungus they've had for 2 years?"

#1238 (0) Complete_Idiots - Get back to the waiting room (32) - I dunno, seems legit. (1)


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